So for the last few weeks we have been getting up in the mornings to walk. I have NEVER been a "morning person" -- always having the inspiration but lacking the motivation to get moving in the morning. Now I feel energized when we get up and go.
I wish we could walk in the forest every day, but it is a good 15 minutes away from home and would require an even larger sacrifice of sleep than I am willing to part with at this time. So, we walk in the forest on either Saturday or Sunday, and the rest of the week we go to the park that is just around the corner. We usually do about a mile in the mornings before I go to work and between 3 and 5 miles on the weekend. I've set myself a weekly goal of 8 miles and so far have only missed it twice (and once was the week of surgery). See, it all started when we did a group 5k walk on July 20th. We didn't do any training and I figured, 3 miles, that's no big deal. The gals from our support group set a pretty quick pace and we managed to keep up with them pretty well. Our official time was around 53/54 minutes. A bit more than a 17.5 minute mile. Well after the walk we went to the farmer's market and by the time we headed home it was still earlier than we normally get up on a Saturday. That is when we decided to start walking. What started out as a Saturday thing, pretty soon became a 5-6 days a week thing. On the days we don't walk we do exercises at home. On this particular day we went on the last path we had yet to try, a 5 mile path that had many twists and turns and ups and downs. We were exhausted by the end but very satisfied that we had done it. This was the first time we had walked that far in one go. We saw two snakes, a chipmunk, and several frogs. All in all, it was a pretty magical day.
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So surgery went well. Much to our surprise, my doctor's too, there was no polyp. It was gone. Did the d & c anyway. Hopefully now my uterus will be good and next time I'm pregnant there won't be any issues.
Three months ago today my daughter, Hope, was born. Sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago, or that my pregnancy was a dream. Other times it seems it was just yesterday I was waddling around, pregnant and scared for my baby. Time is a weird, wibbly wobbly thing.
My husband is a photographer and had been taking monthly "belly shots" for me. I was planning to do a book, culminating in the birth of our baby. Yesterday I looked at my pregnant pics for the first time. I look so happy in them, even the funny or miserable faced ones, and even though in most of them I felt awful. The last ones we took were around 16 weeks. We were going to do the next ones that day, instead I gave birth. It never occurred to me to have him take pics of my belly at the hospital before she came. We even had the camera with us. It was the only thing we grabbed on the way out the door – just in case. I really wish we had done them sooner. I only have my memories of my belly. Glimpses of myself in the bathroom mirror dressed in my red satin night shirt. I am pretty emotional right now. I have a uterine polyp that we believe has been causing complications regarding my not being able to carry. On Thursday I am having surgery to remove it. A hysteroscopy, d&c, and polypectomy. It's outpatient at the hospital, but I am nervous. I've never had surgery like that before. I've only had my wisdom teeth out with 4 extractions (while I had braces). But that was 20 years ago. The procedure itself isn't supposed to take long, but all told I will probably be at the hospital for around 5 hours. I'm thankful that my doctor, the same one that delivered Hope, is doing the surgery. I just want to get it over with so I can move on and get pregnant again. Hopefully next time with a healthy baby, healthy pregnancy where I don't have to spend months glued to the couch. I'm looking forward to trying to enjoy being pregnant and preparing for a child. Not having to worry and wonder if maybe, just maybe this time I'll have a take home baby at the end of my pregnancy. Maybe, just maybe, we'll make it all the way. Things I'm dealing with right now: 1. Hair loss. I heard from many people that it was supposed to stop or at least slow while pregnant. Mine didn't in the least. I heard afterwards lots of it falls out to make up for it. Well, it took nearly three months, but the last couple weeks I've been shedding like crazy! Guess I'm making up for lost time… 2. Weight gain. A few weeks ago my husband and I walked a 5k with some members of our support group. After that we decided to keep walking. We've been walking around 8 miles a week mostly in the mornings 5-6 days each week. On the days we don't walk we do an exercise routine. We also use our ab-lounge at least 3 days a week. Even with this added exercise I've been gaining weight. I have heard this is pretty common post baby and especially among those who are post baby sans the baby. Is anyone else dealing with these or other issues? Chime in below. I decided today to start a blog. Somewhere to put down my thoughts as I am healing and dealing with the grief of losing my daughter. Mostly for myself but also to help anyone else who needs to share their experience with infant loss.
At work there is a butterfly bush near the front door, right in front of my parking spot. It has been there for more than 5 years. In all that time I don't think I've ever actually seen a butterfly near this bush. Today, leaving work, I got into my car and there was a butterfly at the bush. As I started backing out it started following my car. Chasing me. Then it flew up by the building's roof. It made me smile. The butterfly is Hope's symbol. I think she is happy that I am sharing her story. |
Holly Crews
The mother of five angel babies, and one rainbow baby. I have had four miscarriages, an SCH (sub chorionic hemorrhage), pProm (pre-term premature rupture of membranes), and a pre-term still birth. Archives
October 2022
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