Just before Halloween of 2015, during our second round of Letrazol, we conceived! We found out mid-November. We were cautiously optimistic. We told our families at Thanksgiving. We made it to 8 weeks, and then beyond. In early January an ultrasound with the maternal fetal medicine specialist showed a healthy baby and — of great concern to me — a healthy placenta with no telltale dark spots like Hope's had shown. Our little baby was full out jumping for joy right there on the screen, though at 11 weeks I couldn't feel it yet.
Our dream was coming true. For once I was having a "normal" pregnancy. (Or normal for me.) I still have Thyroid issues, low TSH, normal range other levels. At 16 weeks we found out we were having a boy! I failed my 1-hr glucose test, but passed the 3-hr. I loved watching my belly grow! For the first time in my life I was happy and proud of my body and my figure. We registered for baby items. We had a baby shower. And for almost 9 months I puked my guts out. "Sick mommy, healthy baby," was my mantra. I got really anxious after 30 weeks. Not for the normal reasons of anticipating delivery and labor, but because I have so many friends who had lost their angels after 30 weeks. I knew he wasn't "safe" yet. At 31.5 weeks I started contracting. I was put on medicine to help calm the contractions, but they never stopped. At 33 weeks I was put on bed rest to make sure that I made it to 34 weeks. I made 34 weeks, then 35. At 36 weeks I stopped taking medicine and was up and moving around more. At 37 weeks, our little man was done waiting, and I was happy to be done contracting! Corbin Ian was born at 4:44am on July 4th, on the 4th floor of the hospital at 37 weeks gestation. I had been at the hospital 4 hours. We call his delivery fast and furious. I went from 3 cm to 5/6 cm an hour and a half later. We got moved to a delivery room and I used the jetted tub. It helped me relax and when I got out of it I was at 8 cm. The last two went really quickly but my water didn't break till 9.5 cm. When it did there was meconium in the fluid. Then it was hurry up and push him out or head to a c-section. His head was stuck in my pelvis and had a vacuum attached, still didn't move. I got an episiotomy, still didn't move. One last try, then we were heading to the OR. I was determined to do it for my son. The sound of his cry was the most amazing thing I have ever heard in my life. To this day his little cry makes me smile even as I work to satisfy the cause of it. His first day Corbin had issues keeping his glucose levels up. He ended up being force fed formula and having heel pricks every couple hours. This combined with a weak suck/latch/seal was enough to sabotage my milk supply. I tried everything the lactation consultant told me, but never made it past 2 oz for the entire day's total. Corbin went through speech therapy and is feeding from a bottle like a champ. I gave up breastfeeding as the pumping schedule was making life stressful and was impossible to maintain. I enjoyed my last week and a half home with my son before returning to work. I had been off of work from 33 weeks until 8 weeks post delivery. I had long since run through my vacation time before he was even born. Fortunately we have wonderfully supportive families that helped us make it through. The maternity/family leave situation in this country is deplorable. But, that is a topic for another blog post. It was so hard to believe, so hard to trust this pregnancy to go the distance. And yet, it did. We have a beautiful son! We are living proof that even after multiple losses, so much heartache, a rainbow can come. My son is such a balm to my soul, and I love being his mum-ma. I still miss my babies, I think of them daily, I compare his features to Hope's, and I think that I should already know everything I am learning for the first time, everything I didn't get to experience with his sister. As I get to them I will post pictures from Corbin's pregnancy and his baby pictures in the Gallery!
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Holly Crews
The mother of five angel babies, and one rainbow baby. I have had four miscarriages, an SCH (sub chorionic hemorrhage), pProm (pre-term premature rupture of membranes), and a pre-term still birth. Archives
October 2022
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