37. Yesterday I turned 37. Four years ago when my husband and I started this journey toward parenthood I could never have guessed I would end up here. Two years ago I said this is where I didn't want to be. 37, and still trying for my first child...
Here is what has been going on since October: On Thanksgiving we conceived our 5th child. I was over the moon when we found out in early December and truly believed this time we would get our take home baby. 5 is my lucky number. We had everything sorted out after Hope there was no more polyp, no reason this one shouldn't go the distance. I called and got in at my ob a couple days later. Scheduled for an ultrasound two weeks later. Started taking baby aspirin and continued on Progesterone suppositories. We started calling it Turkey as we knew exactly when it was conceived. On Christmas Eve morning I was in the shower getting ready for work and had the thought that how would I know if I was miscarrying because of the Progesterone. I got out of the shower and did a pee test and it was faint, much fainter than it should have been. I tried not to worry and chalked it up to multiple pees throughout the night and morning. I would do another test whenever I got up for my early pee the next day. Cue the 3 am pee the next morning and I couldn't really even see the line. I started freaking out and then noticed the smallest amount of pink on the toilet paper when I wiped. Oh no, not again. I called the on call number for my doctors office and talked to my ob. Decided to go into the hospital lab to have a quant hcg drawn. When we got the results a couple days later it confirmed what I already knew. A level of 4, a negative result, we had lost baby #5 on Christmas Day at 5 weeks 2 days. My mom and I did a lot of research after that, found a few books and learned about a whole lot of other things that might be problems. I went back to see my ob who was basically like bad luck keep trying. I brought up each thing I had researched and was basically told "no proof that has anything to do with it" or "you don't have that and even if you did there isn't a treatment". I did manage to get one blood test for some inherited thrombosis and a referral to an RE. Blood work came back negative. But I had my thyroid levels run with the last pregnancy. Again low TSH (tho not as low as usual) and normal Free T-3 and Free T-4. I scheduled appointments with two REs one local and one at U of M in Ann Arbor. The local doctor wanted to take my eggs and hubbys sperm, make embryos and do pre-genetic diagnosis to make sure the best ones were used and re-implant them... preferably into a surrogate. We did get the Counsyl panel of testing done that day. The U of M RE wanted to run some more tests and help us find out if there was something else going on. Also, wanted me to see an Endocrinologist for my thyroid. The tests at U of M all came back normal. The Counsyl tests revealed that I was a carrier for a disease that didn't matter because hubby wasn't but we BOTH had the same two mutations for two other issues. The first one is hemochromatosis - basically too much iron in your blood. The other is MTHFR. We both are heterozygous for the A1298C mutation (also known as E429A). The MTHFR mutations have to do with processing Folic Acid (the synthetic version of Folate - B9) and the involvement in the methylation cycle. A lot of people with MTHFR mutations have issues with their thyroid too. I had seen MTHFR mentioned in my reading, but didn't know what it was. The Counsyl counselor said that it had to do with Folic Acid and Neural Tube Defects (NTDs) which immediately struck a chord with me as I had just read in my file that my 12 week testing showed that Hope had a 1in 10 chance of an NTD. She didn't have one (that we know of as there was no autopsy or testing on her). Everyone seems to think that if you are heterozygous it doesn't matter, and especially if you are A1298C heterozygous, that there is no problem. As recently as early 2014 that is still being said with this caveat: it doesn't seem to be a problem unless there is something else going on - another mutation or some other problem. I began wondering what the other problem or problems might be. There also seems to be a greater risk if both parents have MTHFR mutations. A recent study shows greater chance for NTD if the baby has the mutation vs. the mother having it. I went to see the Endocrinologist in Ann Arbor. We really liked this doctor and after listening to everything and doing a pretty complete exam, sent me to get an ultrasound of my thyroid and some more blood drawn to retest for some antibodies. The blood test came back negative, but the ultrasound showed nodules in my thyroid. Aha! Finally something concrete. I underwent a thyroid scan and uptake test with two scans 24 hours apart and found out that at least one nodule is producing thyroid hormone and another one is likely doing it too. I have multiple types of nodules some are solid and some fluid. I was given the options of:
I also around this time had another hysteroscopy to see if there was anything wrong with the inside of my uterus. This time I was awake and watched the entire process and saw the inside on a monitor. It was very surreal but the doctor said it was beautiful and perfect and nothing was wrong. So at least that part is in working order! My tests for my FSH, Estradiol and AMH all came back good so I was less worried about the ticking clock. I had a surgical consult about my thyroid and have done a lot of research about my options. I signed up for the Thyroid Summit this spring and watched a lot of the presentations where I discovered the impact of iodine on the entire body. My mom ran with that and in her research came across a woman whose test results were just like mine and who after having half her thyroid removed at 19, went on to have her symptoms recur and found out she was iodine deficient. She worked to become iodine sufficient and her nodules went away, her thyroid began producing again and she has continued to have normal labs for 3 years. So we began researching iodine deficiency and once again it fits my issues. My current theory is that if I am iodine deficient, that caused my nodules in my thyroid, which is causing me to have excess thyroid hormone in my body. Excess thyroid hormone chews through vitamins and minerals in your body. The MTHFR coupled with years of birth control pills and then compounded by taking the wrong supplements in my prenatal vitamins led to my body already being nutritionally challenged. Add the thyroid hormones eating up what little I consumed and I didn't have enough in my body to nourish myself let alone build and nourish a baby. I am currently awaiting getting an iodine loading urine test to find out if I am iodine deficient. If I am, I want to become sufficient and see if that has an impact on my labs. Best case would be a fixed normal functioning thyroid and a baby ready body. If not... surgery. In the meantime, we have begun taking some supplements. We slowly worked our way up to 1mg (1000mcg) a day of Methylfolate, and have been taking Methylcobalamin (active B12), 5-P-5 (active B6), Riboflavin (B2), a whole foods vitamin C, baby aspirin, and probiotics each day. I am also on Ferrous Sulfate (Iron) pills for my anemia. We have noticed some improvements in our energy levels, thicker hair and clearing up of eczema. We are trying to be more active but haven't been back to walking as regularly as I would have hoped. Last month I went mountain bike riding on the trails for the first time in my life. I have gone a few times now and even bought my first bike helmet. I believe the supplements and the probiotics are helping with my weight loss too. I am finally down to my pre baby weight and still loosing at about a pound a week. I have also been tracking using an app on my smartphone which has helped me be more aware of what I am putting in my mouth! We are trying to be more healthy and watching the labels on our foods. There are so many bad filler additives in our foods that it is difficult to eat healthy. MTHFR means watching out for enriched flour in foods as well as that has Folic Acid we don't process efficiently. My mom is even grinding her own grain and making her own bread. So I am 37 and I am kind-of exactly where I didn't want to be... but maybe just a little bit closer to having a child of my own, and definitely on the road to a healthier me.
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On August 30th I had my followup for my surgery. Everything is fine. No polyp. All my labs came back normal. Nothing to stop us from moving forward. I also said goodbye to my doctor. She was leaving the practice and moving to another state. I think she will miss us as much as we will miss her. She has been through all of my miscarriages and she delivered Hope. I know all of the doctors at the practice and will be OK seeing them, and trust everyone there to take care of me, but it's sad none-the-less.
I also that day finally called on some insurance questions I had about billing for my first postpartum appointment. Well, I finally heard back on Tuesday and we got everything straightened out, but not before I heard the worst phrase ever. That appointment wasn't a postpartum appointment. It was an appointment for my doctor to discuss my history as a "recurrent aborter." Even typing those words now makes me angry. When I heard them on Tuesday I almost started crying. What a horrible phrase. It makes it sound like I am a hussy who gets pregnant because of not taking precautions and then uses abortions for birth control. I know it is a medical term and diagnosis for someone who has repeated losses. I just think it plain sucks. I want to change this phrase. There is no reason for it to be used, no reason the word "loss" can't replace it. At the very least, no person in the medical profession, whether a nurse, doctor or just in billing, should EVER say it to a woman who has suffered multiple losses. It was a stab in my heart and in my gut. It was a major setback on my road to recovery. It brings back all the guilt I felt for the things I should have or could have done differently with my pregnancy with Hope. It makes me feel like it is my fault. My new mission is that no other woman out there ever be called a "recurrent aborter" ever again. Meanwhile, my weight has continued to creep upwards even as we are exercising and walking. I now weigh 10 lbs more than when I had Hope, almost 4 lbs more than my pre-pregnancy weight. I am trying to stay positive, but it is difficult to keep up with the walking and exercising when I see the scale keep climbing. On the other side, the walking is making a great improvement in my general health and stamina. I am jogging/running more and more and my pace for a mile is now down to around 14 minutes. I still get winded but it is getting better. My husband and I have been trying out different apps on our phone for tracking our walking both at the park and in the woods. I like the features of Runtastic, but it's GPS tracking isn't that accurate, especially in the woods. I've been using MapMyFitness which is more accurate, but doesn't have some of the features I like. Husband tried Enmodo but didn't like that one very well. Have any of you used GPS tracking apps or other fitness tracking devices? What do you like? Last bit... We are due to start trying to conceive again at the end of the month. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I can't wait to be pregnant again and hope and pray that this time it all goes well. At the same time I am terrified that there is some other reason for my losses. I have a hard time believing it was all just bad luck. Also, the timing is a bit strange for me. Hope's due date is approaching. October 4, 2013. I could possibly conceive before her due date. What's more, one of our best friends is getting married on that day and hubby is in the wedding and we are doing the pictures. I don't know whether I welcome the distraction or if I am going to be a total wreck that day. Probably a little of each. Hope to be able to update more often, but we are on overtime as the quarter started and I'm working around 50 hours a week. At the very least, I know I'll be posting around the 4th. <3 So for the last few weeks we have been getting up in the mornings to walk. I have NEVER been a "morning person" -- always having the inspiration but lacking the motivation to get moving in the morning. Now I feel energized when we get up and go.
I wish we could walk in the forest every day, but it is a good 15 minutes away from home and would require an even larger sacrifice of sleep than I am willing to part with at this time. So, we walk in the forest on either Saturday or Sunday, and the rest of the week we go to the park that is just around the corner. We usually do about a mile in the mornings before I go to work and between 3 and 5 miles on the weekend. I've set myself a weekly goal of 8 miles and so far have only missed it twice (and once was the week of surgery). See, it all started when we did a group 5k walk on July 20th. We didn't do any training and I figured, 3 miles, that's no big deal. The gals from our support group set a pretty quick pace and we managed to keep up with them pretty well. Our official time was around 53/54 minutes. A bit more than a 17.5 minute mile. Well after the walk we went to the farmer's market and by the time we headed home it was still earlier than we normally get up on a Saturday. That is when we decided to start walking. What started out as a Saturday thing, pretty soon became a 5-6 days a week thing. On the days we don't walk we do exercises at home. On this particular day we went on the last path we had yet to try, a 5 mile path that had many twists and turns and ups and downs. We were exhausted by the end but very satisfied that we had done it. This was the first time we had walked that far in one go. We saw two snakes, a chipmunk, and several frogs. All in all, it was a pretty magical day. |
Holly Crews
The mother of five angel babies, and one rainbow baby. I have had four miscarriages, an SCH (sub chorionic hemorrhage), pProm (pre-term premature rupture of membranes), and a pre-term still birth. Archives
October 2022
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