Four months. Seems like just yesterday I was sick and puking my guts out. As miserable as I was, I would take it back in a heartbeat. I'm supposed to be in my final weeks. Instead I am preparing to start over.I've been listening to Bon Jovi "Keep the Faith" in the car. Several of the songs are striking a chord with me right now. It's a great album.Walked over 8 miles this past weekend and saw 6 garter snakes (almost stepped on 2 of them). My body was less than thrilled on Monday and then I went to bellydance. Only did two more miles during the week so we are back on speaking terms. :-)Super busy quarter time at work which means long hours. Been doing around 50 hours a week and this weekend is our "power" weekend so I will be working all day Saturday (after our morning hike, of course).Anxiously awaiting my next period so we can start trying again. Actually had two positive ovulation tests this week and around a normal time so I just might be returning to a 28 day cycle! It's been years. Here's hoping.Happy 4 months, Hope. We love you!
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On August 30th I had my followup for my surgery. Everything is fine. No polyp. All my labs came back normal. Nothing to stop us from moving forward. I also said goodbye to my doctor. She was leaving the practice and moving to another state. I think she will miss us as much as we will miss her. She has been through all of my miscarriages and she delivered Hope. I know all of the doctors at the practice and will be OK seeing them, and trust everyone there to take care of me, but it's sad none-the-less.
I also that day finally called on some insurance questions I had about billing for my first postpartum appointment. Well, I finally heard back on Tuesday and we got everything straightened out, but not before I heard the worst phrase ever. That appointment wasn't a postpartum appointment. It was an appointment for my doctor to discuss my history as a "recurrent aborter." Even typing those words now makes me angry. When I heard them on Tuesday I almost started crying. What a horrible phrase. It makes it sound like I am a hussy who gets pregnant because of not taking precautions and then uses abortions for birth control. I know it is a medical term and diagnosis for someone who has repeated losses. I just think it plain sucks. I want to change this phrase. There is no reason for it to be used, no reason the word "loss" can't replace it. At the very least, no person in the medical profession, whether a nurse, doctor or just in billing, should EVER say it to a woman who has suffered multiple losses. It was a stab in my heart and in my gut. It was a major setback on my road to recovery. It brings back all the guilt I felt for the things I should have or could have done differently with my pregnancy with Hope. It makes me feel like it is my fault. My new mission is that no other woman out there ever be called a "recurrent aborter" ever again. Meanwhile, my weight has continued to creep upwards even as we are exercising and walking. I now weigh 10 lbs more than when I had Hope, almost 4 lbs more than my pre-pregnancy weight. I am trying to stay positive, but it is difficult to keep up with the walking and exercising when I see the scale keep climbing. On the other side, the walking is making a great improvement in my general health and stamina. I am jogging/running more and more and my pace for a mile is now down to around 14 minutes. I still get winded but it is getting better. My husband and I have been trying out different apps on our phone for tracking our walking both at the park and in the woods. I like the features of Runtastic, but it's GPS tracking isn't that accurate, especially in the woods. I've been using MapMyFitness which is more accurate, but doesn't have some of the features I like. Husband tried Enmodo but didn't like that one very well. Have any of you used GPS tracking apps or other fitness tracking devices? What do you like? Last bit... We are due to start trying to conceive again at the end of the month. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I can't wait to be pregnant again and hope and pray that this time it all goes well. At the same time I am terrified that there is some other reason for my losses. I have a hard time believing it was all just bad luck. Also, the timing is a bit strange for me. Hope's due date is approaching. October 4, 2013. I could possibly conceive before her due date. What's more, one of our best friends is getting married on that day and hubby is in the wedding and we are doing the pictures. I don't know whether I welcome the distraction or if I am going to be a total wreck that day. Probably a little of each. Hope to be able to update more often, but we are on overtime as the quarter started and I'm working around 50 hours a week. At the very least, I know I'll be posting around the 4th. <3 Labor Day weekend we went kayaking! It is something we had been talking about doing for a while. Our friends went the weekend before, but I wasn't sure I would be up to it one week after my surgery. So after hubby rolled his ankle (for the second time) on our 5 mile hike in the woods, I was thinking this was the perfect activity that didn't require too much footwork.
Hubby owns his own kayak having done all sorts of outdoor activities growing up that I had never done. He's a boyscout. I had been in his kayak last summer on the lake when we went camping and got the hang of it really quickly. This was my first actual kayaking trip and we were going upriver... in current... I was a little apprehensive. When we got down to the dock there was this really cool docking station for getting in and out with your kayak. We found out from some guys on the river there is another one upstream a ways. For the most part the river was pretty calm. It was a constant workout but nothing too rough. There were only a couple areas where I really had to work it. We didn't make it to our original goal of going up to the nature center, taking a break and then going back downriver. We did go 2 miles upriver and then I had to cede to the river. I just couldn't paddle anymore. We then got to enjoy the easy float back downriver the same 2 miles. I'm an advocate of downriver! We saw a good amount of dragonflies on the river and for a good part had one taking turns riding on the front of our kayaks. We joked he was our mascot for the day. We both came away with a couple of blisters and decided we need to get some fingerless gloves so we can do this more often. I really want to get a kayak of my own, and my brother-in-law might sell us his. Blister is better, still have a few bruises, but love being out on the water! |
Holly Crews
The mother of five angel babies, and one rainbow baby. I have had four miscarriages, an SCH (sub chorionic hemorrhage), pProm (pre-term premature rupture of membranes), and a pre-term still birth. Archives
October 2022
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